Nothing Has Stopped: A Night at the Hospital

Driving to the hospital this evening, the road is very busy. It’s after 8:30pm on a Sunday and I am driving on St. James main road. People are liming, criss-crossing through traffic to cross the road, their hot packaged food in their hands as they make their way to their cars. Bright Lights. Music. Dancing. Action. The energy is vibrant.

Life is happening. People are busy, happy and active. Nothing has stopped.

And I am driving. Driving to the hospital.

It reminds me of 8 years ago. It was September too. I had gotten the news and I was alone. Alone in London. I remember going for a walk that night and the town was busy. People were walking along the River Thames. Couples holding hands, kids squealing, running past me and tourists talking loudly and taking photos at different spots, enjoying their night out. Enjoying their night in London. I remember noticing the contrast of how I felt inside and the energy that was all around me. The revelry. The laughter. Life. Nothing had stopped. The world was moving still.

“Good evening,” I say to the guard.

I am in the hospital now. I read a text that says to wait outside of the accident and emergency door. I walk towards the door, and I see a man leaning against the wall. He is facing the closed sliding doors of the emergency room entrance. He is tall so I am guessing he can see through the only section of the glass doors that isn’t tinted. His hands are in his pockets. He leans forward now. And then he is still again. His face creased with anticipation. Creased with worry. He, like me, is waiting. He, like me, has stopped too.

I can’t go in yet as too many people are in there. I am also leaning against the wall. Sipping my coffee. It is not hot anymore.  

I can see my mom now. I can see her if I slightly tiptoe. The top of her head. She has stepped out of an emergency bay and is looking into it. She is nodding to someone. Talking. Perhaps to the doctor. She looks okay. The side of her face does not look too creased. She disappears again. Eventually she reappears and starts walking toward the emergency door. Towards me. The door opens.